Today is the day and here's my 99th page of my book No System at All:
Adrenaline pumped through his legs and arms. He needed to take action, soon.
“Who sent the text?” Colin asked.
“Russell Harris, my ex. I didn’t even want to do it in the first place. He totally pressured me into it. Thank god it didn’t last through the commercial break.”
A plan formulated quickly. Leah had been wronged on the most personal level and Russell Harris was not going to get away with it. He didn’t know her very well, either, so he wasn't breaking any rules.
“Lizzy, can I borrow your cell phone?” She handed it over to him without thinking. Colin typed away but didn’t hit send. He headed over into the jock territory of the lunchroom where Daniel Walker sat with his lacrosse team. At Millbrook High school the Lacrosse team was the football team with weapons. Another field Daniel dominated.
As he approached the table, he realized it was like those documentaries, where there were thirty lions at a water hole. He was the elderly gazelle with a limp leg. He swallowed the extra saliva in his mouth and said, “hey Daniel.”
He put down his gray hamburger and nodded at Colin, “what’s up?”
“Is your team having a Pre Season party, and if so, would they like my band to play it for free?”
It wasn’t Daniel who spoke up, but Jared and three other guys Colin didn’t know. “Hell yeah!”
Daniel smirked, “what do you need?”
“Back up, in about two minutes.”
“Done.”
So did that make you want to turn the page? Do you want know what Colin's planning?
Go and check out the other people doing the blogfest-- go forth and meet some new people!
Thank Alicia for setting this all up!
Hi Erinn! First of all, I stalked you over here after reading your comment on Lydia K's blog. I happened to be watching Dora, or "the babysitter" as I sometimes call her while typing, as well (with my two-year-old). Nice to see that someone else is watching kiddie shows :)
ReplyDeleteAs for your 99th page, I have to say the elderly gazelle reference and the gray hamburger (ew! nice visual!) were my favorite descriptions! Sounds like a fun novel :)
I would totally turn the page! I need to know what's going on, why Colin needs backup, and just what Daniel's going to do as said backup. Nicely done! :D
ReplyDeleteHehehehe and now I get to read the whole thing! muahahahaha <-- that was my evil laugh, btw. ;)
ReplyDeleteLove the Lacrosse, "football with weapons" line. And vengeful schemes against jock exes sounds like a book well worth reading :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for hosting!
I like this page. Totally agree with the comment on lacrosse - and also like the image of lions at the water. And there's a clear conflict, I like the way colin reacts to it, and I want to see what he's going to do.
ReplyDeleteHe kinda reminds me of the MacGuyver of pwnage: he can pwn with a cell phone, a lacrosse team, and a stick of chewing gum.
Yes, I would turn the page. I liked your descriptions. I want to find out more about the relationships between characters. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteOkay, this is a new page 99. I need to see what happens. Yes I'll turn the page.
ReplyDeleteOK- I know what's happening next and I definitely want to turn the page. That gazelle line is so fantastic, so visual and perfect for hs.
ReplyDeleteAlso the lacrosse team as "football with weapons" cracks me up.
LOVE it.
It looks like there's a complex network of relationships here that intrigues me. The humor is great too. If you gave it a polish for typos and grammar, I'd want to read on.
ReplyDeleteI too loved your description of the Lacrosse team.
ReplyDeleteI think you meant "there WERE no rules being broken.
Nice job.
Woah, the drama! This is ridiculously familiar, we have these text wars all the time. This is really dynamic for just one page! So much happens, so much is set up... I can't wait to read this full story. It's so complex but SO clear for something so short.
ReplyDeleteThat was excellent! I loved the dialogue and it all seemed really believable.
ReplyDeleteLove the line, "The lacrosse team was the football team with weapons."
ReplyDeleteLoved this. At first I thought Daniel was going to give him trouble. I also love the fact that he asked for back up from someone who it seemed he was nervous to be around. I'd keep reading!
ReplyDeleteLoved this - the voice is totally YA and this is a good snippet of Colin. I'd read more, and probably buy the book,too ^_^
ReplyDeleteFootball team with weapons! Great line.
ReplyDeleteI need to be there to find out what happens when Daniel backs up in two minutes.
Yep. You hooked me.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteOooh, great scene. And, anything to do with ex' brings with it scope for revenge. The sporty feel to this airs battle will commence forthwith, and a party lends itself for intense rivalry, too! ;)
best
F
I might read on but it depends. While I read different genres, this doesn't feel like the type I would normally read. On the other hand, the writing is good and the dialogue sounds realistic. Though I did cringe a little at "totally" but that's not necessarily a bad thing unless that is the character the reader is supposed to root for.
ReplyDeleteBuying for me depends on the synopsis/back cover information.
Nice job,
ReplyDeleteI would turn the page.
Michael
I liked some of the visuals, but jumping in like this, there were too many names for me to follow it the first time, had to read it 3 times before I got a general idea of what was going on and who the players were.
ReplyDeleteBut I do want to know why he feels the need to defend someone he barely knows, not to mention bring some big guns with him.
erica
I like the limping gazelle, watering hole imagery, but the flow feels a bit stiff. That could so come from not knowing the before or after. I didn't really understand the texting but not sending.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, high school. You nailed that kill-or-be-killed cafeteria mentality. I'd turn the page.
Marie, http://mariereaden.blogspot.com
I would absolutely turn the page. This wasn't the intro, but you still give the idea of setting, characters, age, back history... it's all there and I feel like I know all I need to enjoy what's coming next.
ReplyDeleteThat was a great excerpt, from the lions line to the lacrosse one...it looks like an exciting read!
ReplyDeleteNooo! What's going to happen in 2 minutes?? Of course I would turn the page. I love how this is written in 3rd person, too--you don't see that much in YA. And the gray hamburger? Classic!
ReplyDeleteHa- gray hamburger! I remember those days in the school caf. YUCK! I would def. keep reading. I need to know why back up is needed in two minute! Great writing, Erinn :)
ReplyDeleteYou're leaving us there????? I love the gazelle image - you have a terrific voice in this piece! :)
ReplyDeleteThe voice is right there-- in high school. I don't often read YA (no desire to return to that circle of hell) but I got a sense of these characters and their world right away. I loved the "gray hamburger", the gazelle, and the description of the lacrosse team.
ReplyDeleteReally liked this and not just cause Leah is one of the characters :) Colin seems like a clever guy. And I LOVE it when the guy stands up for the girl (not very feminist of me, but i don't care). I wouldn't go to the next page though because I wouldn't want to spoil it! Ring me up, Mr. Cashier!
ReplyDeleteI definitely want to know what's going on and would turn the page. As a member of the John Hughes generation... yeah. I want to see the creep go down.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how much hint of the story you do get from just a random page--I'm interested in knowing more about the characters... and I like the part about the lacrosse team being the football team with weapons that was a great description :)
ReplyDeleteGood action!
ReplyDelete