Monday, March 29, 2010

Flower girl

My daughter was sick last night. She had a coughing fit and threw up on my husband. Pink and chunky and stuff I didn't even know she ate.

Side note: Most interesting part about throwing up, examining half digested food-- highly gross, but still interesting. I didn't know it took over 10 hours for a blue berry to digest in my daughter's stomach... I also didn't know she was eating them whole and not chewing.

After the hazmat team cleaned up the mess (me- I was the hazmat team) our daughter opted to sleep in our bed.

Side note: My daughter is 2 years old and has slept in our bed a grand total of 3 nights in her life. You will see why in a few minutes.

For someone who weights 30 pounds and is about two feet tall, she knows how to take up a lot of space.

We propped her up, gave her stuffed animals to snuggle with. She was in the center of the bed. Instantly she rolled over to my hubby's side of the bed.

I had my normal amout of space. It was lovely, for me. A tiny body filled with love snuggling close by but didn't invade my personal space. Awesome.

At three oclock in the morning I woke up and looked over. My daughter was sleeping horzionalty across the bed. My hubby was curled up at the foot of the bed, (like our dog used to before he got kicked off the bed).

Time to do something about the situation. I picked her up and placed her back in her room.

6;45 rolls around, and I've been awake and moving for about a half hour. Hubby didn't sleep well and is slowly trudging around. I hear the stomping of little baby feet running back and forth between her room and ours.

She's awake.

VERY awake.

TOO AWAKE for any human being who hasn't be injected with coffee.

Our day continues, in the normal stressful manner it always does. The 10 minutes it takes for me to get out of my house is by far the loudest and most annoying of my day.

Dog barking.
Daughter trying on my shoes, instead of hers.
Daughter crying because I can't find her hat.
Daughter yelling at the dog to be quiet.
Me yelling at the dog to be quiet.
Dog stopped barking after treats were thrown to him.

Then we finally make it outside. I'm exhausted. I opened the car door to put all my stuff in it and my daugher has vanished.
I scanned the yard and she's in the grass.
"NO! Get back here." I yelled and chased after her.
She has something in her hand. Was it dog poop I didn't clean up? A stick?
I snatched it out of her hand.

It was a tiny flower. "For mommy."

Instantly humbled, I loaded her into the car seat. I returned back to the flower (seriously I have
no idea how she saw it) and picked on for her.

I gave it to her.

Sometimes kids are pretty awesome.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

what it means to be a woman

I watch this you tuber called Charlie is so cool like. He's awesome. He's 19 and doesn't understand teenage girls.
Really? I think we're pretty straight forward, women in general- We want you to be smart, caring and able to read our minds. The End.

Anyway he asked a bunch of girls to fill out a survey, the results were funny- but at minute 3 second 7, I cracked up.

I, too have looked at my dryer and wondered if I could get in it. I thought I was the only one who ever had thoughts like that. I'll look at a box or a space and wonder, "can I fit in that?"

I told my 8th grades about the question. I watched the faces of the girls, they smiled, they blushed and they avoided eye contact. It hit me, "YOU TOO! You've thought that too!"
Every girl laughed and nodded.

We talked about looking at a "problem" trying to figure out how you would contort your body in a way to help you fit into the object.

Then I asked, "Did you ever get in it?"
Every girl answered with, "No. Never. That's stupid."

I looked over at the boys.

Half the group said, "The thought has never once crossed my mind."
The other half said, "I got stuck."

There you go. That's the difference between men and women. Women will problem solve and determine if it's a logical thing to do. Men will either not think it's a problem or they will FUBR it up.

Check out the clip below

minute 3:07.

Christmas Candy

I like to think we live in a civilized society. Maybe we do, maybe not. At work, often people leave food out in the staff lounge for the rest of the staff to eat. The ugly truth is very rarely is it food the person who left it out wanted. It was a gift from a crazy neighbor, or a container of cookies that are about to go stale. The logic is, "Maybe someone else will eat the food I'm too good for."

Food place there at 8 am is normally gone by 11:30.

We are savages.

However there are boundaries, lines that should never be crossed. Things like time sensitive food.

Today someone left out Christmas chewy nugget candy out on the table.

There are so many thing wrong with that.

1) It's St Patrick's Day. Three months after the appropriate time.

2) Clearly who ever left it there got sick of looking at this unwanted candy at their house and figure he or she should leave it for the savages.
2.5) Keep in mind, that the candy was able to survive three blizzards in this person's house.

3) It's the kind of candy that gets trapped in your teeth for six hours. If you eat one at 8:30 am at dinner time it will still be wedged in your molars.

Bunch of savages.

PS don't respond back with the expiration date of candy... I don't care. I'm sure it's still "good". Just because something is "good" doesn't mean it's not gross.

Friday, March 12, 2010


I swear I have a lot of funny things I want to write about, but my stupid real life is getting in the way.

Quick funny story:
The months of December and February I did this thing called Project Nice, where I did nice things for strangers and co workers.

On the second day I put a take a nickel, leave a nickel sign up by our crappy vending machine.

Strike 1 someone got offended by it.
Strike 2 a month later all the change was gone and there was nothing left but pennies. (The machine doesn't take pennies) I put $2.55 of my own change in the cup and 12 pennies was all that remained.
Strike 3 Someone stole the cup, but left the pennies.

Irony at its finest!

Monday, March 01, 2010

Tomorrow is my birthday

I'll be 31 in 24 hours.

If my friends from Boston had not sent me a card and a gift card (thank you guys!) I totally would have forgotten about it.

Birthdays get lame the older you get.

My plans for tomorrow will be to grade assignments, meet with a future daycare provider and my hubby will be getting our taxes done. Oh and dinner at Chick-fil-a.

I do love Chick-fil-a.

I don't even think I'm getting a cake. I LOVE cake.


I'm going to on the record for saying: Getting old is lame.