Writing is selfish.
There I've said the very dirty truth...
I withdraw into my imagination- play around, type type type on my computer, get annoyed when I get interrupted.
I've ignored my hubby. I've been slow to rush to my daughter's side when she wants to show me something... in all fairness for the last 2 years she mostly wants to show me the dog. "Honey, I"ve seen the dog. I know what he looks like, you don't need to tell me he's cute. I know he's cute that's why I bought him."
When my daughter was born the doctor asked my Hubby if he wanted to take a picture of her while she was all goopy and covered in slime. Both Hubby and I said, "No, yuck!"
The doctor said, "She will only look like this once in her life."
She will only be this two years old-- once in her life.
She will only be learning how to walk once in her life.
She will only be potty training once in her life.
She will only have THIS day THIS moment ONCE IN HER LIFE.
I missed some of those, because my characters were calling me, because I wanted to blog, because the plot bunnies exploded, because I was trapped in editing hell.
I love my daughter. She's the coolest person I've ever met. (For the record-- I've met a LOT of people)
Writing isn't like knitting or scrapbooking where you can do it in the same room as your kids, no, you have to be alone. Being alone means missing out on stuff.
So Mom Writers out there, I ask you this, how do you deal with Mommy Guilt?
Okay, I think there needs to be a support group for writing mommies. The guilt is HUGE for me. I have three kidlets and I'm always feeling the tug between wanting to write and blog, and pay attention to them. There's never enough time! I think once that my little one is in school, I'll have dedicated time between 8-3 when I can write and not feel guilty. But right now, it's very very hard!
ReplyDeleteI do actually write in the same room as mine. While he sleeps, while he plays or watches a movie...whatever works that day. I will also print off a chapter at a time so I can sit and revise a hard copy while he's in my lap "reading" to me or showing me his toys. That's easier because I can have fractured focus while I revise without it being detrimental.
ReplyDeleteI work well with noise though, and I understand not everyone does.
It is a constant struggle for me. I think it's important to not be "plugged in" all the time. I also believe that if you are hovering over your child, it's not healthy for anyone.
ReplyDeleteSo, in a perfect world it's about balance. From day to day, though, I have periods where I feel like I tune in when it's important... and periods where I feel I am spending too much time with the computer/manuscript.
I think being aware of the difference is a big step.
Mommy guilt is huge! It's all about priorities, I guess. But we need to show our kids we are well-balanced people who have interests outside of them. We don't want them to think they're the center of the universe - even if they are :)
ReplyDeleteI am abolishing Mommy guilt in my life. Writing is not selfish if you look it it as giving out of who you are and what you are good at. Children need to see their parents engaged in life's pursuits. They need to know it is okay to do what they love and spend time on themselves. The reason we often have Mommy guilt is because society and even our little girl childhoods tell women that everything must always be about someone else. I could not disagree more. Life is a balance. When I write I know I am doing what I have been put on the face of this earth to do. What would be selfish is not writing and not giving out of the gift I have been given. Not everything can be about our kids. I don't think it is good for them to assume they are the centre of the universe, or even our universe. That is too much pressure on a child. They need to know they are loved and that they have your time SOMETIMES.
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing beautifully. GO write. Enjoy. Don't let Mommy guilt eat up the love for writing.