Sunday, February 21, 2010

Glen Burnie, Geeks and Breaking up

This blog will come to you in three parts

Glen Burnie
Every area has it. The place that time forgot. A town that picked a time period and stuck with it.
Glen Burnie picked 1982 and has opted not to leave. Acid wash jeans, mullet, I'm with stupid tee shirts, yep. You know what I'm saying without having to say it, right.

I'm a mall snob because the BEST mall in the area is ten minutes away from my house. The Columbia Mall is perfection.

There are two malls in Glen Burnie... one is good-- Marley Station Mall. It has all chain stores, a Macy's as it's anchor store. I've been there a few times, but I won't eat at the food court. I'm a food court snob too.

The Glen Burnie Mall is the scariest mall I've been to. It has a Toys r us as its anchor store and it's an OLD one. There are lots of vacant store front and besides a Vitaim world, Dicks Sporting good and a Hallmark, none of the other store are chains or brands I've heard of.

Glen Burnie mall is the only mall I've ever seen shopping carts.

I was trapped there for 20 minutes while Cindy was giving blood. I have NO IDEA how my husband walked around there for 2 hours with our two year old. That man is a saint.

There's a video game store. It smelled like body odor.

NO NO NO. I am a geek. I own 25 short boxes of comics, my comic book related statue collection is the envy of those who see it and know what they are looking at. I WORKED IN A COMIC BOOK STORE FOR 2 YEARS.

This is NOT ACCEPTABLE. My geek brotheren. NO. Shame on you. We do not conform to those stereotypes. Yes we are smart. Yes, we are not athletic. Yes, we shy away from the sun. BUT ODOR IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
I teach middle school and my nose has adapt to the stink of body odor. If I can smell you--- you smell putrid.

While I was donating blood at the Glen Burnie Mall, a man apoarched me who was having a horrible week. He had just come back from his mother's funeral. He will have to raise his kid sister. And his girlfriend left him for his best friend.

One of these seems like it could have been controllable. Not by him but by her.

This is a call to anyone in a relationship. Look you know the signs, you know when you're going to break up with someone. Women we see it coming. Don't do it the day after his mother dies. What the hell? What sort of human being are you? You couldn't wait a week?
You are the worst human being on the planet. Seriously horrible.

Listen if you want to break up with someone and something tragic happens to that person just as you work up the nerve to dump them, wait.

Seriously wait.

But how long?

If the following things happen to your future ex:
lose his or her job,
A family member passes away
A family member is diagnosed with a disease
He or she is diagnosed with a disease.
Goes into rehab
Gets into a car accident
Loses a lot of money via a robbery of some sort.

You should wait at least one day per month you were dating after the bad event happened. No matter what, you're going to look like an asshole. But if you stick around a little longer, it won't be as bad. You don't need to spend 24/7 with your soon to be ex but really you should stick around for the funeral.

Also the following things are not acceptable:
Texting a break up or writing a message on a facebook wall, or tweeting your breakup. Breaking up should be face to face or at the very least over the phone. You should hear how your news is effecting the other person. You should hear the quiver in their voice or their complete disinterest.
EVERYONE is a person and deserves dignity.

Breaks up should in instant however if
1) someone gets hit.
2) Verbally abusive
3) They gave you a disease
4) If they watched The Room and thought it was a great movie.

I'm done with my Public Service Announcement now.
I will be resuming my snarkyness some other time.


  1. Each break up is unique. I know that sounds simplistic, but it's true. Some break ups happen way before they actually happen, some happen out of necessity (because of substance issues leading to abuse), and some don't ever happen if though they should.

  2. I think Laurel Mall (if it's still there) is worse than Glen Burnie.

  3. Klo I totally agree. Get out if its a bad situation, but it's a pretty normal relationship and you just want out--- wait a few weeks after a tragedy.

    Jess--- I haven't been to the Laurel in years... I don't want to get shot.

  4. Agreed - If they liked "The Room" they are done!