Monday, October 12, 2009

The Room

The Room

There's bad art and there's trash. No one is debating that fact. I've seen plenty of crappy movies, Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus comes to mind, Batman and Robin also rank pretty high up there.

I like crappy movies, I like ripping them apart and shredding it until its a barley unrecognizable form. It makes me feel superior.

Yes, true, none of my writing has been published. I've got nothing I can point to and say, "Hey, I'm artistic success." But my inner geek who feels inferior in most social situations likes to mock those who I feel are beneath me.

Yes, I'm a bitch.

But once in a while, something comes along and it's so bad, its good. But not good. It's sort of like having your mind and eyes raped. You feel violated for watching it, and yet, grateful that you just witnessed the worst thing you will ever see, and everything else in the world can only be an improvement.

I'm talking about The Citizen Kane of bad movies, The Room.

It's should be a red flag when the main character, writer, director, and producer are all the same person. Tommy Wiseau.

Who is Tommy Wiseau? No one knows. Somehow he raised six million dollars to tell his "story". Rumors about him are littered across the Internet. Some say he made his money counterfeiting jeans, which I didn't know was a real thing, I thought The Simpsons made it up.

Anyway the "plot" of the room is, Johnny loves Lisa and they're a month away from their wedding when Lisa realizes she doesn't love Johnny (BTW did you notice how similar the Johnny is to Tommy? Maybe's its just a coincidence). Lisa starts sleeping with Johnny's best friend, Mark. We know that Mark is Johnny's best friend because it's in the dialogue 6 different times. There's a throw away line about the fact that Lisa's mother is dying of cancer. Some creepy teenager who is Johnny's "adopted" son who gets mixed up with drugs, complete with a whole, "Where's my money?" scene with a drug dealer. Most likely a real drug dealer trying to make his big break in Hollywood.

There's three different scenes where the characters play football. One scene they are in tuxedos.
I lost count of how many horrible sex scenes there were. But clearly Tommy Wiseau thinks that candles and rose petals makes everything more romantic and therefore a reflection of the character's true feelings or some crap. Tommy Wiseau make sex boring. Way to go, dude.

By the end everyone betrays Johnny.

Not only is the acting beyond awful, the dialogue sounded like it was written by a 1st grader and camera work done by a blind man, but the music was horrible and it was shot in front of a green screen.

Example of dialogue:
Lisa: Do you want me to order a pizza?
Johnny: Whatever, I don't care.
Lisa: I already ordered a pizza.
Johnny: You think about everything, ha ha ha.

Sometimes when crappy things are made, I wonder, "why didn't someone try to stop it?"

Someone did. The staff quit TWICE during the filming. One actor quit and was replaced by another actor like no one would notice. Everyone noticed.

After the movie there's an interview with Tommy Wiseau. It's more entertaining then the movie itself. Tommy Wiseua really believes it's a good movie, and every scene is in there for a reason, and if you didn't understand it, you need to watch it a second time because YOU didn't get the deep messages the movie was discussing.

There's nothing more insulting then when an artist gets pissed off at the audience because the audience is too stupid to understand the "art".

No, dude, it's not me, it you.

A part of me thinks this whole adventure is wonderful. It beautiful testament to how people hold onto a dream and don't let go.
John Green says, (and I'm paraphrasing) "we create to give a gift to the world and hope that someone will like it."

Sometimes that gift is an ugly wool sweater with sheep and cats on it, covered in shit and piss.

Here's the thing, it's a cult hit! Midnight showing are sold out. Kristen Bell, Patton Oswalt, Paul Rudd and David Cross all love it. So yeah. I guess the joke is on me.

Thank Tommy Wiseua for the ugly sweater, it was a life altering experiance.

Do yourself a favor and read the review of the movie from other fans.


  1. This sounds so hilariously awful I must get a copy and watch it while throwing handfuls of popcorn at the screen.

  2. I"m thinking about having The Room Party. You were on the short list of invites. :-)

  3. I was just telling Josh we need to have a The Room Party because it's just that awesome.